How to Talk to Your Kids About Drug and Alcohol Prevention During Substance Use Prevention Month

There is no perfect script for talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol. Most parents we talk to worry about saying the wrong thing, sounding preachy, or putting ideas in their child’s head. Some put the conversation off because it feels awkward. Others assume their child already knows the risks from school.

Here is what we want every parent to hear: you do not need a perfect script. You need a lot of small, honest conversations, starting earlier than you might think and continuing as your child grows.

October is recognized nationally as Substance Use Prevention Month, an observance that dates back to the first presidential proclamation in 2011. In Michigan, the governor’s office has also recognized October as Substance Misuse Prevention and Youth Substance Use Prevention Month, calling on parents, siblings, friends, and neighbors to be part of prevention. It is a good reminder, and a natural opening, to start or restart the conversation at home.

As we prepare to open Midwest Behavioral Health Center (MBHC) in Tecumseh, we are putting together practical, family-centered resources like this one. Below, we walk through why these conversations matter, how to tailor them to your child’s age, what to say (and what to avoid), and which warning signs deserve a closer look.

Why These Conversations Matter More Than You Think

It is easy to assume teens tune their parents out. The research says otherwise. According to SAMHSA’s “Talk. They Hear You.” campaign, over 80 percent of young people ages 10 to 18 say their parents are the leading influence on their decision whether to drink. Even when it seems like your child is rolling their eyes, they are listening.

There is also encouraging news. The University of Michigan’s Monitoring the Future study, one of the longest-running surveys of teen substance use in the country, found that teen use of most substances stayed near historic lows in 2025 for the fifth straight year. In the past 30 days, 91% of eighth graders, 82% of tenth graders, and 66% of twelfth graders reported abstaining from marijuana, alcohol, and nicotine.

That matters because kids often overestimate how many of their peers are using. Letting your child know that most teens are not drinking, vaping, or using cannabis can take some of the pressure off.

Still, the risks are real. Michigan’s 2025 prevention proclamation cited state data showing that 15% of Michigan high school students use electronic vapor products and 21% reported having at least one alcoholic drink in the past 30 days. The same proclamation reported 134 drug overdose deaths among Michiganders ages 0 to 24.

The landscape is also different from the one many parents grew up in. In a Ground Control Parenting episode on Substack, host Carol Sutton Lewis and her guests, including an addiction counselor from the Partnership to End Addiction, point out that fewer kids use substances than a generation ago, but the kids who do face higher-risk products. They highlight vapes and nicotine pouches, higher-potency cannabis, and counterfeit pills sold on social media that may contain fentanyl. “Just say no,” as the episode puts it, is no longer enough on its own.

That last point is especially important. A recent Monitoring the Future analysis found that most U.S. eighth graders underestimate the dangers of fentanyl. Kids cannot protect themselves from a risk they do not understand, and that is where parents come in.

Start Small, Start Early, and Keep Going

One of the most helpful shifts parents can make is moving away from the idea of “the big talk.” SAMHSA recommends short, frequent conversations with kids about alcohol and other drugs rather than one big talk. Frequent, low-pressure check-ins build trust over time and make it easier for your child to come to you when something comes up.

Think of it less like a lecture and more like an ongoing thread that runs through everyday life: the drive to practice, a commercial during a game, a storyline in a show, a news story, or something that happened at school.

SAMHSA suggests parents begin these conversations early. Its materials encourage talking about alcohol as early as 9 years old, before most kids are exposed to it.

Age-Appropriate Ways to Talk About Drugs and Alcohol

What you say to a seven-year-old will look very different from what you say to a sixteen-year-old. SAMHSA’s guide to age-appropriate conversations about alcohol and other drugs offers a helpful framework. Here is how we think about it at each stage.

Young Children (Under Age 8)

At this age, the conversation is really about health and taking care of your body. You are laying a foundation, not delivering warnings.

Talk about eating good food, getting enough sleep, and playing outside. When your child takes a vitamin or medicine, explain what it does and why only a trusted adult should give it to them. If they see someone smoking or notice an alcohol ad, you can simply name what it is and explain that it is not healthy for growing bodies.

Keep it simple, calm, and matter-of-fact.

Tweens (Ages 8 to 12)

This is a key window. Kids at this age are curious, still very connected to their parents, and starting to hear things from friends, older siblings, and social media.

SAMHSA recommends shifting toward open-ended questions at this stage, like asking what your child has heard about alcohol and other drugs. Then listen. If they are not interested in talking, let them know the door is open whenever they are ready.

A few conversation starters that tend to work well:

• “Have you heard anyone at school talking about vaping?”
• “What do you think about that character drinking in the show we just watched?”
• “If someone offered you something and you didn’t want it, what would you say?”

This is also a good time to make your family’s expectations clear. SAMHSA’s five conversation goals start with showing you disapprove of underage drinking and other drug misuse, and pairing that message with how much you care about your child’s health, happiness, and success.

Teens (Ages 13 to 17)

Teens want to be treated like they are capable of making their own decisions. The more you can talk with them rather than at them, the more likely they are to engage.

Researchers at Penn State found that parents are more effective when they use dialogue instead of lecture and set an everyday example rather than delivering a one-time sermon. One approach is to ask your teen what they think people hope to get out of drinking or using, like relaxing, fitting in, or feeling less anxious, and then talk through healthier ways to get those same needs met.

With teens, it also helps to get specific about real-world situations:

• What they will do if they are at a party where people are drinking
• What they will do if the person driving has been drinking or using
• How they can reach you for a ride without getting a lecture in the car
• Why they should never take a pill that did not come from a pharmacy with their name on it

Many families agree on a code word or text that means “come get me, no questions asked right now.” SAMHSA suggests this kind of planning, such as texting a code word to a family member or practicing how they will say “no thanks”. The goal is simple: you want your teen to call you, not to feel stuck.

It is also worth addressing cannabis directly. Recreational marijuana is legal for adults 21 and older in Michigan, which means your teen may see dispensaries, ads, or adults using it openly. Legal for adults does not mean safe for developing brains, and teens benefit from hearing that clearly.

What to Say, and What to Avoid

Parents often ask us whether there is a “right” tone for these conversations. There is no single right tone, but some approaches tend to open doors while others close them.

Things that help:

• Stay calm. If your child shares something surprising, try not to react with alarm. A calm response makes them more likely to keep talking.
• Focus on facts, not fear. Scare tactics tend to backfire, especially with teens. Honest, accurate information builds credibility.
• Connect it to what they care about. Sports, school, driving, friendships, and future goals are all things substance use can get in the way of.
• Admit when you don’t know. It is okay to say, “I’m not sure, let’s look it up together.” That models honesty and positions you as a trusted source.
• Praise good choices. Notice and acknowledge when your child handles a tough situation well.

Michigan State University Extension’s guidance for parents echoes much of this. It encourages parents to stay involved in their teen’s life, set firm but reasonable rules with clear consequences, and emphasize health, responsibility, and safety over punishment. It also warns against sending mixed messages.

Things that tend to shut conversations down:

• Lecturing for long stretches without asking questions
• Reacting with anger or punishment the moment a topic comes up
• Making assumptions about what your child knows or does
• Using exaggerated claims that your child can easily fact-check

What If Your Child Asks About Your Own Past?

This question catches a lot of parents off guard. If your child asks whether you ever drank or used drugs as a teen, think ahead about how you want to answer.

You do not have to share every detail. Many parents find it helpful to be honest in an age-appropriate way while focusing on what they learned. If you chose not to use, you can explain why. If you did, you can talk about what the experience taught you and why you want something different for them. Penn State Extension’s parent resource, drawing on Mayo Clinic guidance, recommends that parents be ready to discuss their own drug use in a way that reinforces the lesson.

Your Example Speaks Loudly

Kids learn a great deal from watching the adults around them. How you talk about alcohol after a long day, how you handle stress, and how you use medications at home all send messages.

This does not mean parents need to be perfect. It does mean it is worth paying attention to patterns. If there is a family history of substance use, it is also worth talking about. Family history can raise a child’s risk, and knowing that can help them make informed choices.

Simple steps at home make a difference too. Keeping alcohol and prescription medications secured, and disposing of unused medications safely, reduces easy access.

Early Warning Signs Parents Should Watch For

Talking openly is powerful prevention, but it is also important to know when something may be going on. Some changes are a normal part of growing up. What matters most is a pattern of changes, especially several at once, that feel different from your child’s usual self.

Signs that may deserve a closer look include:

• Changes in friends: A sudden shift to a new peer group, or reluctance to let you meet new friends
• School changes: Falling grades, skipped classes, or new discipline issues
• Mood and behavior shifts: Increased irritability, secrecy, withdrawal, or loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
• Physical changes: Changes in sleep or appetite, red or glassy eyes, unusual smells on clothing or breath, or frequent illness
• Missing items: Money, alcohol, or medications disappearing from the home
• New devices or products: Vape pens, unfamiliar packaging, or items that look like highlighters, USB drives, or candy

SAMHSA offers a dedicated fact sheet on how to tell if your child is drinking alcohol or using other drugs that can help parents think through what they are seeing.

It is also important to remember that substance use in young people is often connected to something else, like anxiety, depression, trauma, or difficulty managing big emotions. As we describe on our Child & Teen Substance Use Programs page, substance use in adolescents is rarely about the substance alone. That is why we plan to treat the underlying mental health challenges that may be driving use, not just the behavior.

If You Are Worried, Here Is What to Do Next

If you notice warning signs, try not to panic. A calm, direct conversation is usually the best first step.

1. Pick the right moment. Avoid talking while your child is under the influence or while emotions are running high. Wait until everyone is calm and clear-headed.
2. Share what you have noticed. Be specific and come from a place of concern rather than accusation. “I’ve noticed you seem more tired and your grades have slipped, and I’m worried about you.”
3. Listen more than you talk. Try to understand what is going on in their life.
4. Talk to a professional. Your child’s pediatrician, school counselor, or a licensed behavioral health provider can help you understand what you are seeing and what level of support might help.

Sometimes parents are not sure whether what they are seeing is typical teen behavior or something more. Our post on 5 Signs It’s Time to Consider Outpatient Mental Health Treatment walks through some of those gray areas. When substance use and mental health concerns overlap, specialized care for co-occurring disorders in teens can address both together.

If your child is ever in immediate danger, call 911. For a mental health or substance use crisis, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Prevention Is a Year-Round Conversation

Substance Use Prevention Month is a great reason to start, but prevention does not end on October 31. The most protective thing you can do is stay connected: keep talking, keep listening, and keep showing up.

You will not get every conversation right, and that is okay. What your child will remember is that you cared enough to keep trying and that you are someone they can come to.

As we get closer to opening our doors, Midwest Behavioral Health Center is preparing to support Michigan families with a full continuum of care for kids and teens, from outpatient therapy to our planned teen Intensive Outpatient Program and residential services for ages 13 to 17. You can learn more about what we are building on our Child & Teen Programs page or take a look inside our facility with our virtual tour.

Read More Like This

• 5 Signs It’s Time to Consider Outpatient Mental Health Treatment
• Michigan’s School Smartphone Ban: A Parent’s Guide to Emergency Planning

Stay Connected

We are sharing updates, prevention tips, and news about our opening on social media. Follow Midwest Behavioral Health Center on Instagram and Facebook.

Sources

• Michigan Governor’s Office, October 2025 Substance Misuse Prevention and Youth Substance Use Prevention Month proclamation
• SAMHSA, “Talk. They Hear You.” Five Conversation Goals; Age-Appropriate Conversations fact sheet; Why Small Conversations Make a Big Impression fact sheet
• University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, Monitoring the Future 2025 results
• Partnership to End Addiction, summary of 2025 Monitoring the Future findings
• Carol Sutton Lewis, Ground Control Parenting (Substack), “Yes, We Have to Talk To Our Kids About Drugs”
• Michigan State University Extension, “Talking to teens about alcohol and drugs”
• Penn State News, “Dialogue and example work best for parents in drug talks with teens”
• Penn State Extension (Thrive), “How to Talk to Your Teen About Substance Abuse”